Ayaanologies and Amanisms

They are growing up too fast. Way too fast. Baby talk is changing into proper words and long winding sentences. Nappies are giving way to underwear. Days, weeks and months are colliding into each other and  then whooshing past collectively. And in all this mayhem, my biggest fear is that I'll forget the sweet little things my little monkeys used to say. Because each child has their own language growing up, don't they?? Figuring out a language when they are also in the midst of figuring out how caterpillars crawl and how planes manage to fly so high and how sand is so much better to play with when it's wet.

So before it all becomes a distant memory, here are some favourites that have brought a lot of smiles and giggles and still do:

Ayaanologies (while he was between 2-3 years old):
Gummlegup = Bubblegum
Eshna Dishna = Air Conditioner
Goggy = Doggy
Lellow = Yellow

Amanisms (Since the past year to present)
Sockolate = Chocolate
Zoke = Joke
Bizaffe = Giraffe
Becember = December
Beserve = Deserve
Purvise = Surprise
Foos = Shoes
Than Thoo - Thank You

One day in the very near future, they will be speaking perfectly. Their pronunciation will be beautiful and grammar flawless. Their vocabulary will be, hopefully, far larger than mine.

But on days like that I will miss conversations like these:

Ayaan :  Is your best friend Zamie?? (teasing him about not being able to pronounce Jamie)
Aman: It's not Zamie, it's (with a pause and a concentrated effort on getting it right)....ZAMIE!!
Ayaan : HAHAHAHAHAAHA!!! He said Zamie!!!!
Aman: AYAAN!!!! Don't zoke with me otherwise I will hit you with my foos and you will beserve it!!!!
Ayaan: OK, OK, I won't. Now do you want to share my gummlegup lollipop with me?

Sunday Mornings

The sun has still not woken up but two tiny creatures have. A creak of the bedroom door. Hushed whispers. Four little feet tiptoeing into the room, crawling into our beds and under our blankets. Warm snuggles. Kisses and cuddles. Pyjamas that still smell of milk and cream; of sleep and a just finished sweet dream. Eyes that are full of wonder and the excitement of what the day ahead has in store. A little pinch, a tiny tug. Squabbling over who has most of the "blankie" and who gets to sleep closest to mummy. Earnest stories of what they dreamed about - a jungle gym, a slide, an alien, a blue headed monster, a talking rabbit. Tiny giggles that work their way up to peals of uncontrollable laughter. "I love you"s aplenty. And just when I'm wishing this could go on forever, off they go with Daddy whom they've convinced to make crumpets for breakfast.

Sunday mornings are silly. Sunday mornings are sweet. Sunday mornings are special in the most splendid, sunshine-y sort of way.

The "what-if" chronicles

Today was a "what-if" day for me. I have one of these every so often, when a day of mine is not going particularly to plan. Days that I am reminded that each decision I make leads undebatably, unchangingly, sometimes unforgivingly to the next set of circumstances in my life. And the question always lingers....what if?

What if I had taken up that course in Creative Writing at Boston University back in the year 2000? What if they had awarded me with that scholarship and not only just the acceptance letter which goes to only about 25 people out of the hundreds that apply for that course? Would I have made it big as a writer? Would I have my own newspaper column in the New York Times or the Sunday Times by now? Would I have the gumption to write for it each week?

What if I had married someone who lived just down the road from my parents house in  Juhu and not a million miles away in London or Durban? Would my life be easier? What if I didnt have to start over and make new friends, acquaintances, and start a new social network every few years? Would I still have 418 friends (yes, i counted) on Facebook? What if I could meet my childhood and teen-hood friends over a converation over coffee rather than plan a skype date with them and go back and forth with ridiculous issues like time difference? Would we actually meet or would we let months slide by, thinking we can meet at any time and end up not meeting at all? What if I had never moved to London? Would I have ever discovered I can actually cook and clean and wash and make my own bed and do my own laundry and iron all the clothes and still survive the day? Would I have ever discovered all the secrets of that city that only a resident knows, not a visitor? Like how to stand exactly at a spot on a tube station that will ensure you get off at a specific exit on your station of departure? (Any non-Londoner won't even understand what I'm on about - it's just a Londoner's secret...well now an ex-Londoner's one too!) Or which chocolatier makes the nicest winter chocolates (Thorntons Winter Chockies according to me, but that's debatable!) Would I have ever had the love affair with food that I have now? Or would I have gone from hiring one cook from another in Bombay and having panic attacks if they decided to bail on me? Would I have ever learnt to bake a decent cake?

What if I had accepted that "Fast Track" career program at the Hilton in London? Would I be whistling along, swinging my legs from a high rung in the corporate ladder? Which Hilton hotel would I be the General Manager of by now? Would other hotel chains be wooing me because they knew I was so darned good at what I do? Would I be enjoying my life any more knowing my position of power? Would I have had the chance to have my kids? More importantly, would I have had the time to get to know them? To love them? To dance with them in the middle of the kitchen while making dinner for them?

And then the "what-ifs" stop. Destiny comes waltzing into the scene.  Because no matter what could have been, should have been or would have been, the only reality that exists is the here and the now. And once again, I remind myself of my husband's favourite Japanese quote, "Wherever you are are is where you need to be." 

I couldn't agree more.

Five lessons that my kids taught me

The tag:
It’s been a while since us Mommybloggers came up with something to celebrate, well, mommyhood, so the lovely Monika and I came up with this. A tag that has us list out five lessons of life that Mommyhood has taught us, these could be sweet, bitter, funny, touching, whatever. These could be survival tips or cooking tips, or something as simple as the best thing to get puke smell out of hair.

So, the rules are simple. Put the badge up. Write out five lessons that Mommyhood taught you. And tag five mommybloggers.

I was tagged by Yasmeen Sait. And here go my five lessons:

1. Forgiving and forgetting is a lot easier than we adults make it out to be.

I battle with my two young monkeys every single day over sleeptimes, mealtimes, manners, discipline, you name it and we battle over it. But what I find most amazing is that no matter how bitter our fight or how loud my voice, they always forgive me instantly. They dont hold a grudge for even two minutes. One minute we are fighting, and the next minute it is all over and done with and life as usual resumes. If I had someone on my back like that all the time, I'd probably go insane. But all they need is an  "Are we friends now? Ok, so then lets kiss and make up!" and life is swell again. Hmmm, it's no wonder that Hitler did everything that he did. How can you blame him?? He had no kids!

2. Honesty is the best policy

"Aaaaaaaaaaaargggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!", I yelled the other day!!! "Who threw all this water out of  the bathtub?????? And my small chap, Aman, in all his 2 year old glory, said "IT WAS ME!!!!!!" "Why did you do that????" "Because the whale (his favourite bathtoy) didnt like the water." After an honest reply like that, I had but  no choice than to gulp down my frustration, along with a few curses right down my throat and proceed to mop up the place. So honesty, here, is not the best policy for some vague spiritual feelgood reason. It is the best policy because it allows you to get away with murder. There is very little arguing to be done with an honest answer!

3. No matter how crazy today was, tomorrow is another day

Somedays, my hubby finds many strands of my hair on the sofa or on my pillow. This is not because I suffer from hairloss, but rather because it has been one of those doys that I have pulled my hair out follicle by follicle. It is the day after which I have decided I can take it no more, have nothing more to give, no strength to go on. And it is because the kids have driven me UP THE WALL!! But when I wake up the next morning, I'll find Ayaan and Aman right next to my bed, saying sweet little things like" I woke up early today so I could snuggle up with you in your bed", or "Mummy, you look so nice in the morning." (a blatant lie, but whatever!!) and I know the day is going to be good. A lot better than yesterday. And I run my fingers through my hair (the ones that are spared for today at least!)

4.How to cook and feed without wheat, eggs, dairy, peanuts, soya, tomatoes and citrus fruit.

When I first heard that list from Ayaans pedriatician, I looked at him in absolute disbelief and said, "Well that's easy, we should just hit the beach and feed him sand and sea water then, shouldnt we??" But where there is a will, there is a way. And where there is a way, there are magical recipes on the internet and magician moms who conjur up these recipes for other moms like me to follow. And so we did it. We took out all the allergens in his diet to ease his eczema. I learnt how to cook rice in 2 dozen different ways, how to make oats tasty and interesting to a 3 year old child, how to convince him khichdi was the tastiest thing on the planet. And now a year and a half on, the eczema is almost gone, and so are most of the allergens. We DID it!! :)

5.Scientifically correct names of dinosaurs

Besides watching Jurassic Park like every other  person on the planet has done, I have (sorry, had) very little interest in dinosaurs. That changed ever since my four year old Ayaan took on an interest in them. Ever since then, he plays guessing games with me, giving my clues about dinosaurs and expects me to come up with their name, and no, T-rex just wont do, it has to be Tyrannosaurus Rex. I have recently found out about Brachiosuarus and Triceratops and some dino names that I cant yet spell properly (and of course Ayaan pronounces each one of them flawlessly!!) Shameful, I know! Well, for all my lessons, here's one for you today - did you know the common dragonfly of today existed even 650 million years ago?!?!?!? Aha!! I knew you didnt!" Now you, like me, can look at a dragonfly with newfound respect every time you see one - cool or what?!?!?!?

I tag Supriti Singh in this. She is my best friend and my co-conspirator mommy who also juggles her day and still manages to write in her blog. Over to you.

the things kids say and do - part deux!

...and i'm back! i knew it wouldnt be too long before the kids entertained me enough for me to update the blog and in turn entertain you guys out there!

1. it was saturday morning and instead of my monday to friday alarm going off at 5:45am, my human alarm, a.k.a aman went off at precisely 5:45 am!! with my eyes still closed, i made my way into his room, picked him up from his cot and brought him back into my bed. then i put him down in the middle of the bed and said to him in a hushed yet firm whisper, "now go to sleep, it's still very early!" he managed to last in complete silence up until 5:48am, then climbed on top of me so that his nose was pressed up against mine and his eyes were looking directly upon my eyes. when i finally, grudgingly, opened my eyes, he was looking right down at me, smiling his brightest smile, and said, "good morning mummy! wakey, wakey!! did you sleep well?" yep, it's no fun waking up at that unearthly hour on a saturday morning, but since i dont have a choice, there's no other alarm in the world i'd rather have!! :)

2. on the weekend, we took the kids to a restaurant for a meal. the waitress came to our table with our order and put my plate in front of me. before i could say anything, ayaan piped in, "now mummy, what are you supposed to say?" much to the amusement of the waitress, i looked up at her and said, "thank you." "good girl, mummy!" said ayaan. "that was very polite of you. i'm very proud of you for your manners!!" have i been well trained or what?

3. ayaan came to me just today and said, "today, in school, valeria PUSHED me on the floor and i bumped my head and i SMACKED valeria back!" in total horror, i said, "oh dear! then what happened?" "then mrs.donaldson put us both on the bench and told us to think about what we were doing." "and did you think?" i asked. "yes. and while we were thinking, valeria PUSHED me again and i SMACKED her again!" well, i only have one thing to say - suddenly my job of being a full time mum to two boys seems like a bed of roses compared to poor mrs.donaldson who has twenty energetic 4 year olds to deal with on a daily basis!

4. while at the animal farm, aman says to the sheep that he is feeding, "eat your food, sheep. see? i TOLD you it was yummy!" and the sheep nodded it's wooly head and continued to be force fed by my enthusiastic two year old.

5. on the saturday that aman woke up early, ayaan came into bed to snuggle in with us too. not being able to stay still or be quiet for too long, he asked me,"mummy, can i tell you a story?" stalling for time, so that they didnt ask me to get out of bed and give them breakfast, i agreed. and i will now re-tell you the story that he told me word for word. i SWEAR i did not  make this up  by myself. here it is:
quote ayaan -one day there was a boy and a girl and they lived with their mummy who was called "cracked" and their daddy who was called "bun". and one day the mummy decided to go far, far away to bombay and she did not take the children or the daddy with them. so the daddy told the children, "dont worry, i will take you for an adventure." so the daddy took them for an adventure to the beach, and they played and played and played and had lots of  fun. but SUDDENLY, they got lost and went into a cave and the cave shut down and  they were stuck in the cave and couldnt come out so they shouted for help but no-one could hear them. so then they shouted again VERY LOUDLY and then the mummy heard them in bombay. so she quickly came back and said, "dont worry children and daddy, i will save you!!!" and then she took a stick and started hitting the cave VERY HARD until the cave broke and children and the daddy were saved. and then they all lived happily ever after. and that was the end of the story - unquote.
well, i cannot but resist adding a moral to this story:
the mummy, no matter how "cracked" can always save the family, no matter how crazy the situation!!!

and on that note, part deux comes to an end. and we are still living happily ever after. until the third installment of entertainment/craziness, au revoir!

the things kids say and do...at least the ones that are mine!!

...so if you know anything about me, it's got to be the fact that i am currently a full time mum to two sweet, energetic, fun loving, frustration inducing, crazy talking, lovable rogue boys - ayaan, the older one who is currently 4 years old and aman, the youngest (not to mention naughtiest) member of our family who is  currently 2 years old.

they take up all my time, every single ounce of patience, every last reserve of energy and even more. i have to be totally honest here - as much as i totally adore them, i sometimes wonder why i had them. is it because i hated sleep and figured i should find a way of getting a maximum  (yes, you read that right - i said maximum) of 6 and half hours of sleep every night? was it because i hated having a lie-in and wanted to be up and on the go at 6:30am every morning?? and OF COURSE that includes sundays? if anything, especially sundays, as on those days they are even known to wake up at a little past 5:00am. the tiny monkeys , how do they KNOW it is the one day that even god rested? but can their own mum rest?? no chance.

so why did i have kids? was it because i wanted to know what it was like to take a minimum of 6 breaks while trying, very patiently, to have a meal? mommy, i want water; mommy can you please take a look at this now....no mommy, not in two minutes, NOW??; mommy, aman is hitting me; mommy, ayaan took my bike; mommy, i hurt my finger, can you kiss it better?; mommy, i'm hungry, i want some of your food.... you get the general gist, dont you?? i have since deduced that in order for me to eat my meal in one single sitting without any interruptions whatsoever, it would have to be in 14.6 seconds. it's a hard one to achieve, but i'm practising and getting closer each day.

so, since i AM a full time mum and since that takes all my time, my focus and my thought, i have been pondering over that much asked question (ask any full time mum - she asks herself this question about 117 times a day) "WHY did i have kids?" at first, i came up with the classic answers, "so i could pass on my gene pool" or "so i could relive my childhood again."
then i came up with the depressing answers " so i could spend all the money that i could have spent on hedonistic shopping sprees, exotic annual holidays and weekly spa treatment on funfairs, animal farms and aquariums instead." that made me want to cry many, many tears and i'd probably have to clean up the mess myself so i figured that could not  be the answer i'm looking for.

finally, i had an epiphany. i had my answer. and here it is:
i had my kids in order to be entertained!! yes, i know that sounds frivolous, and it wasnt the intention when i was pro-creating, but as it turns out, that is what has happened! do i hear you asking for proof? i do? well, then its a good job that i came well prepared, isnt it?

here are only the beginning of some of the entertaining and endearing things that my kids have said or done in the past few weeks/months/days:

1.ayaan says to aman while in the shower, "now - do you want some water?" aman, "yes." ayaan, "well, then you have to say please." aman, "peas." ayaan, "good boy!" (gives him the water) "now say thank you." aman, "tan doo." perfect! teach one kid manners and the other comes pre-trained!!

2. ayaan (at age three), "mummy, where did i come from?" me, "from london." that seemed to have done the trick! he went back to doing whatever it was that he was doing - joy!

3. ayaan (a few weeks ago), "mummy where did i come from?" me, "from london." unfortunately, this time around it didnt quite work, and he pressed on, "no, but mummy, where did i come from?" me, "you came from my tummy, baby." "from your tummy?? was i very small??" me, "yes you were." ayaan, "as tiny as a germ? me, "well, yes, at one point you were as tiny as a germ." so then he thinks about it for a few minutes and then comes up with, what i thought was, the most brilliant analysis - "so i was a germ in your tummy and then your tummy was not feeling well, so you coughed and coughed and COUGHED LOUDLY and i FLEW up in the air from your mouth and then you caught me with your hands." me, "yes, ayaan, that is EXACTLY what happened. what a clever little boy you are!!!!"

4. i was trying to entertain aman, and after reading him a story i said to him, "now you tell me a story." and he says, "ok mummy, one day there was a cat. then the cat went to sleep. story finished!!!" and thus my two year old invented the world's shortest story!!

5. "har har!!" ayaan says about a week ago. "HAR, HAR!! i am going on a ship and away i sail!" "really?", i say. "what are you?" "i'm a PARROT!!!!" i'm still smiling about that one! :)

6. ayaan said to his dad after he had had a long day at work, "daddy, you smell smelly. you MUST shower before you go to work tomorrow, ok?" see? not only do they offer entertainment, but also brutal honesty at it's best!

7. the other day, i saw aman having a little conversation with a millipede in the house. "millipede, walk slowly so i can touch you. MILLIPEDE, listen to me!!!!" after which, he came complaining to me, "that millipede is not listening to me." sorry darling, i will enroll millipede on that training program for better listening skills tomorrow...sigh.

the list can and does go on and on, and will be updated from time to time in this blog. but for now, my two little rogues are in bed. which means i can have that ever-elusive uninterrupted meal. hell, i can even sneak in a very well deserved dessert.