Monday, February 21, 2011

the things kids say and do - part deux!

...and i'm back! i knew it wouldnt be too long before the kids entertained me enough for me to update the blog and in turn entertain you guys out there!

1. it was saturday morning and instead of my monday to friday alarm going off at 5:45am, my human alarm, a.k.a aman went off at precisely 5:45 am!! with my eyes still closed, i made my way into his room, picked him up from his cot and brought him back into my bed. then i put him down in the middle of the bed and said to him in a hushed yet firm whisper, "now go to sleep, it's still very early!" he managed to last in complete silence up until 5:48am, then climbed on top of me so that his nose was pressed up against mine and his eyes were looking directly upon my eyes. when i finally, grudgingly, opened my eyes, he was looking right down at me, smiling his brightest smile, and said, "good morning mummy! wakey, wakey!! did you sleep well?" yep, it's no fun waking up at that unearthly hour on a saturday morning, but since i dont have a choice, there's no other alarm in the world i'd rather have!! :)

2. on the weekend, we took the kids to a restaurant for a meal. the waitress came to our table with our order and put my plate in front of me. before i could say anything, ayaan piped in, "now mummy, what are you supposed to say?" much to the amusement of the waitress, i looked up at her and said, "thank you." "good girl, mummy!" said ayaan. "that was very polite of you. i'm very proud of you for your manners!!" have i been well trained or what?

3. ayaan came to me just today and said, "today, in school, valeria PUSHED me on the floor and i bumped my head and i SMACKED valeria back!" in total horror, i said, "oh dear! then what happened?" "then mrs.donaldson put us both on the bench and told us to think about what we were doing." "and did you think?" i asked. "yes. and while we were thinking, valeria PUSHED me again and i SMACKED her again!" well, i only have one thing to say - suddenly my job of being a full time mum to two boys seems like a bed of roses compared to poor mrs.donaldson who has twenty energetic 4 year olds to deal with on a daily basis!

4. while at the animal farm, aman says to the sheep that he is feeding, "eat your food, sheep. see? i TOLD you it was yummy!" and the sheep nodded it's wooly head and continued to be force fed by my enthusiastic two year old.

5. on the saturday that aman woke up early, ayaan came into bed to snuggle in with us too. not being able to stay still or be quiet for too long, he asked me,"mummy, can i tell you a story?" stalling for time, so that they didnt ask me to get out of bed and give them breakfast, i agreed. and i will now re-tell you the story that he told me word for word. i SWEAR i did not  make this up  by myself. here it is:
quote ayaan -one day there was a boy and a girl and they lived with their mummy who was called "cracked" and their daddy who was called "bun". and one day the mummy decided to go far, far away to bombay and she did not take the children or the daddy with them. so the daddy told the children, "dont worry, i will take you for an adventure." so the daddy took them for an adventure to the beach, and they played and played and played and had lots of  fun. but SUDDENLY, they got lost and went into a cave and the cave shut down and  they were stuck in the cave and couldnt come out so they shouted for help but no-one could hear them. so then they shouted again VERY LOUDLY and then the mummy heard them in bombay. so she quickly came back and said, "dont worry children and daddy, i will save you!!!" and then she took a stick and started hitting the cave VERY HARD until the cave broke and children and the daddy were saved. and then they all lived happily ever after. and that was the end of the story - unquote.
well, i cannot but resist adding a moral to this story:
the mummy, no matter how "cracked" can always save the family, no matter how crazy the situation!!!

and on that note, part deux comes to an end. and we are still living happily ever after. until the third installment of entertainment/craziness, au revoir!

Friday, February 11, 2011

the things kids say and least the ones that are mine!! if you know anything about me, it's got to be the fact that i am currently a full time mum to two sweet, energetic, fun loving, frustration inducing, crazy talking, lovable rogue boys - ayaan, the older one who is currently 4 years old and aman, the youngest (not to mention naughtiest) member of our family who is  currently 2 years old.

they take up all my time, every single ounce of patience, every last reserve of energy and even more. i have to be totally honest here - as much as i totally adore them, i sometimes wonder why i had them. is it because i hated sleep and figured i should find a way of getting a maximum  (yes, you read that right - i said maximum) of 6 and half hours of sleep every night? was it because i hated having a lie-in and wanted to be up and on the go at 6:30am every morning?? and OF COURSE that includes sundays? if anything, especially sundays, as on those days they are even known to wake up at a little past 5:00am. the tiny monkeys , how do they KNOW it is the one day that even god rested? but can their own mum rest?? no chance.

so why did i have kids? was it because i wanted to know what it was like to take a minimum of 6 breaks while trying, very patiently, to have a meal? mommy, i want water; mommy can you please take a look at this mommy, not in two minutes, NOW??; mommy, aman is hitting me; mommy, ayaan took my bike; mommy, i hurt my finger, can you kiss it better?; mommy, i'm hungry, i want some of your food.... you get the general gist, dont you?? i have since deduced that in order for me to eat my meal in one single sitting without any interruptions whatsoever, it would have to be in 14.6 seconds. it's a hard one to achieve, but i'm practising and getting closer each day.

so, since i AM a full time mum and since that takes all my time, my focus and my thought, i have been pondering over that much asked question (ask any full time mum - she asks herself this question about 117 times a day) "WHY did i have kids?" at first, i came up with the classic answers, "so i could pass on my gene pool" or "so i could relive my childhood again."
then i came up with the depressing answers " so i could spend all the money that i could have spent on hedonistic shopping sprees, exotic annual holidays and weekly spa treatment on funfairs, animal farms and aquariums instead." that made me want to cry many, many tears and i'd probably have to clean up the mess myself so i figured that could not  be the answer i'm looking for.

finally, i had an epiphany. i had my answer. and here it is:
i had my kids in order to be entertained!! yes, i know that sounds frivolous, and it wasnt the intention when i was pro-creating, but as it turns out, that is what has happened! do i hear you asking for proof? i do? well, then its a good job that i came well prepared, isnt it?

here are only the beginning of some of the entertaining and endearing things that my kids have said or done in the past few weeks/months/days:

1.ayaan says to aman while in the shower, "now - do you want some water?" aman, "yes." ayaan, "well, then you have to say please." aman, "peas." ayaan, "good boy!" (gives him the water) "now say thank you." aman, "tan doo." perfect! teach one kid manners and the other comes pre-trained!!

2. ayaan (at age three), "mummy, where did i come from?" me, "from london." that seemed to have done the trick! he went back to doing whatever it was that he was doing - joy!

3. ayaan (a few weeks ago), "mummy where did i come from?" me, "from london." unfortunately, this time around it didnt quite work, and he pressed on, "no, but mummy, where did i come from?" me, "you came from my tummy, baby." "from your tummy?? was i very small??" me, "yes you were." ayaan, "as tiny as a germ? me, "well, yes, at one point you were as tiny as a germ." so then he thinks about it for a few minutes and then comes up with, what i thought was, the most brilliant analysis - "so i was a germ in your tummy and then your tummy was not feeling well, so you coughed and coughed and COUGHED LOUDLY and i FLEW up in the air from your mouth and then you caught me with your hands." me, "yes, ayaan, that is EXACTLY what happened. what a clever little boy you are!!!!"

4. i was trying to entertain aman, and after reading him a story i said to him, "now you tell me a story." and he says, "ok mummy, one day there was a cat. then the cat went to sleep. story finished!!!" and thus my two year old invented the world's shortest story!!

5. "har har!!" ayaan says about a week ago. "HAR, HAR!! i am going on a ship and away i sail!" "really?", i say. "what are you?" "i'm a PARROT!!!!" i'm still smiling about that one! :)

6. ayaan said to his dad after he had had a long day at work, "daddy, you smell smelly. you MUST shower before you go to work tomorrow, ok?" see? not only do they offer entertainment, but also brutal honesty at it's best!

7. the other day, i saw aman having a little conversation with a millipede in the house. "millipede, walk slowly so i can touch you. MILLIPEDE, listen to me!!!!" after which, he came complaining to me, "that millipede is not listening to me." sorry darling, i will enroll millipede on that training program for better listening skills tomorrow...sigh.

the list can and does go on and on, and will be updated from time to time in this blog. but for now, my two little rogues are in bed. which means i can have that ever-elusive uninterrupted meal. hell, i can even sneak in a very well deserved dessert.